Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
