P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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