I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
