i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
