____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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