Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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