I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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