This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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