Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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