i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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