I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
