I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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