I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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