oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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