Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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