I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
