Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
