He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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