how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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