I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She bit a glass in half.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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