i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
