Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
