we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
