i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
