Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
