I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
