Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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