I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let's get the cat blown out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
