My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
