Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
