Yo dont text me then not text me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
