but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
