I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wear drunk well.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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