im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
