I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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