guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
