if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
