I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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