Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize