I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
