I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
