Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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