Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize