Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize