Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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