If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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