so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
