Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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