honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
