It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
