So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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