why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
