Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
