Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize
