I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we should paint friendship bongs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
