i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
