If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
