he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
