are you still at the devil's house?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
