You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My life is pants optional.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
