Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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