im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
