I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
