Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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