he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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