is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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