I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
