I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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