my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
