The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
