he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
