We're like a lot better than the average bears
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
