Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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