you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize