I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
