Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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