It's like God shit irony all over that family
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
