yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
