real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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