he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
